Confessions of an interiors commitment phobe
Shopping for a living sounds fun, right? I hate to break it to you...
When it’s nearing dinner time, my boyfriend occasionally likes to WhatsApp me a meme from The Notebook where Ryan Gosling exasperatedly asks Rachel McAdams, “What do you want?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!”. He knows my answer will be something along the lines of; whatever, I don’t care, anything, you choose, just pick something, and so on. It’s why we sometimes eat the same dinner for two or three days in a row (this week it was beans on toast), just for ease.
I can’t be left to shop for food alone because I’ll get overwhelmed and come back with nothing or I’ll buy two versions of each thing, just in case I was making the wrong choice. To my horror, I once found my eyes forming actual tears because I was buying a stir-fry meal deal in M&S and there were four noodle options but my aforementioned boyfriend refused to pick one because he was busy at work. Ordinary, ridiculous moments like that send me into the kind of fight-or-flight panic that other people only experience in times of actual peril. I’m relieved to say the noodles were an isolated incident and I’m not usually reduced to tears by the pressure of choosing food, but I am awful at it. In fact, I’d say that it’s my greatest flaw. I can’t make a decision or commit to the decision once I have made it.
As you can imagine, Christmas shopping is a trigger for panic. I start to feel stressed around November time, knowing it’s on the horizon and realising that I can’t remember what anyone wants or which thing they would like the most. It’s not enough for the thought to count, I have to get it right or I’m not buying anything at all. This is why I frequently spend double what I can afford. If I’m not sure whether to get this or that, I’ll buy both things, just to be safe. The last time I had an office job and there was a £10 Secret Santa, I spent £45 on a beautiful selection of things for a woman in accounts who I barely knew, because god forbid she would judge my gift and deem it unsatisfactory.